Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Hi, I also read your other thread. Triads and quads are so complicated, it can be super hard to negotiate everything and get everyone on the same page, emotionally, plus have everyone be sexually fulfilled.
It sounds like your fiance is in NRE with the gf and wants to have sex with her more than with you, for now at least. This is one of the tough things NRE (new relationship energy) can do to poly folk, which is a bad thing for the primary partner. I hope you can communicate this to your fiance and let him see loving polyamrously means everyone's needs are important and all partners should have needs taken care of.
Now, the bf, you say, is a swinger. He seems to be more sex-focused than love-focused. He doesn't love you, and he doesn't want to keep your quad closed. That's his right, of course, if those are his desires, you can't force a square peg into a round hole. It must hurt though!
Also, what is this about your fiance lying to the gf to get what he wants? That is a red flag.
thanks for replying.
I have talked to my fiance till I am blue in the face and I am getting fed up of it now... he keeps saying if we can all be happy then it can be the best thing that has happened to us, the gf pushed the poly relationship with my oh help and the bf felt he was being pushed into and he wanted to slow things down.
my bf is a swinger yes, so am I and my oh but we have calmed down as we want to spend more time with our partners, yes my bf doesn't love me but he cares about me very much and I don't need him to love me if he can't and doesn't mean my love for him is going to go away but I am jealous my oh and our gf can say I love you and get I love you back.
my bf has lied about using a condom and risking getting her pregnant.. they both lied to the bf because bf said if he heard they had slept together without a condom they wouldn't have children. (the gf thought she may be pregnant and the first thing she said was what if my oh is the father) the bf flipped out of course and was questioning why she would say that.. I hate lying to him and I have no choice but my oh says it was six months ago and I have to stop bringing it up, maybe I do but it still hurts, they also lied about their love, my oh said he didn't love her and then he may love her but he hasn't told her but turns out he has loved her for months and has already told her and she said it back and she knew he didn't tell me and she told her bf that she was in love with three people (which at the time she said she was just in love with me) so she lied too.
I want to call it off and tell them they don't deserve each other but they will still text and when he goes out he will see her and its hard cos I love them all