Thank you all for all of the comments and suggestions.....they are helpful.
We are still very much up in the air.
It is becoming very apparent that he is more controlling than we ever thought.
He is not being truthful to himself at all and it is really making any kind of solution hard to find.
We are all just waiting to see what he decides which is not at all easy to do.
Everyday his wife and I get to see each other is very emotional.
To say we've formed a close bond would be an understatement.
I am afraid as some have stated that he has alot of underlying issues that are just starting to surface in a very bad way.
My heart is breaking