Are the friends you go out with diversions? Playthings? Or do you enjoy spending time with them because of who they are?
MC is part of a writing group and has a good friend he works on writing with. They spend 1-2 evenings a week, usually, doing this. This is something that matters to MC. It's important to him that he spend time on this, so I support it as best I can. Yes, there have been times when one of the kids got sick or something else came up and rescheduling was necessary, so in that way I can see that me and the kids, his "primary" relationships, come first.
So what difference does it make, to me, if he's spending these 1-2 evenings writing at a cafe somewhere or out on a date? It doesn't. I would similarly support a relationship that was important to him, and he does the same for me.
He understands that time with TGIB is important to me. It contributes to my happiness, which is important to him.
As far as the couple being the relationship that really matters, for MC and I, at least, our relationship is the easier one! We've been together much longer, don't have the same stressors, and have already worked through a lot of our rough spots. Yes, our relationship is important, because of the commitment we've made to each other and our kids, but more time and effort gets put into my relationship with TGIB at the moment because it's the relationship that needs it.
Ironically, TGIB and I were playthings to each other many years ago. A relationship is MUCH harder. We both know we really love each other and are in this for the long haul, otherwise we wouldn't be bothering to do all this WORK!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 07-11-2012 at 03:35 AM.