Thread: GreenMom's Blog
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Old 07-11-2012, 02:29 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 103

Thanks for the support, folks.

earthlovemother, welcome to the forums. Regarding letting kids know, honestly, I think that will vary depending on family dynamics. My kids are only 2 & 4, and Marty's child is 4, so we don't really get questions. But also, there is nothing I would do or say in front of the kids that would elicit any questions - with my husband or my boyfriend. Yes, we hug, we may even kiss or snuggle, but that's about it - and I am affectionate to a degree with many of my friends, insofar as hugging goes.

Good luck determining what would work best for your family. I'm FAR from an expert - very much a "poly newbie" still even after six months in my "N" - but I would recommend not mentioning anything to your kids til you are absolutely sure it is a good idea and will do no harm.

Now, onto my update.

Things have been bad. That's why I haven't been blogging more to be honest. I get tired about just posting negatively all the time. Things with husband are at times friendly, but romantically/sexually very awkward. I just don't trust him, and that makes enjoying such things hard for me. Every time I see he has posted on "her" fb page, or vice versa, I start to wonder if their phone calls have started again. Or when he comes to bed late, etc. I don't know how to work past this.

Things with Marty have been, well, non-existant. We haven't seen each other in about a month due to scheduling conflicts, and my recent tendency to just hole up and ignore the entire world. I am supposed to be seeing him tomorrow night, pending how he feels. The positive - incredibly awesome positive - he is treating his anxiety disorder again! He's been back in therapy for about 3 wks and goes back on his meds starting tomorrow. I know it can take a month or so for effects to start being seen but I am so relieved, and for the first time in a long time optomistic. He was so much lighter, not worried or super anxious, before he went off the meds and stopped therapy. I have hopes that perhaps my patience and attempts at understanding may payoff. I have done my best to support him - I have supported him too much, some have told me - to me that is what you do for someone you care about.

The month of no face time and only sporadic text/IM's has also taught me that I really do want him in my life, and I have stepped back and realized that what we had before? It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad. If we could get back to how things were then, but just add in a couple solo dates a month, I'd be a happy camper.

I was also able to schedule an appointment with a couselor to start my own therapy. I don't start until August - I found a provider willing to see me on Saturdays, but the downside is a bit of a wait. It will be worth the wait to not have more appts to take off of work for, though.

That's all for now.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.
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