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Old 07-11-2012, 01:20 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 923
Default Mono secondaries, feeling love?

I saw no good way to sum up my question in the title better than that.

So let me try to explain better what I mean.

I ran into a friend tonight and told her a bit about what's going on with BF. She asked if I feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm with him.

No. I don't.

I don't really know what I feel and it bothers me. I know I love every minute with him and enjoy everything we do. I trust him completely. I respect him a great deal, in his profession and in his personal character. I like him. I look forward to seeing him again, and never want to leave when it's time to head home. I think about him in the days in between and even if it's only 24 hours until I see him again, it seems like a long time; I count the hours. I'm distracted thinking about him.

I feel I'm becoming a better person as a result of our relationship. Our relationship has become emotionally intense--I recently found myself crying in the wake of a conversation we had, but they were 'healing tears,' not because I was upset or hurt.

Yet I don't feel 'in love.' I don't feel infatuated. I don't think I feel NRE.

It bothers me because I've known him for a long time and always knew there would be an attraction between us if we were both available (although we never so much as flirted; but I knew it was there); and now that we are, I'm not feeling what I expected to.

I wonder if it's that I'm just really not in love; other times, I worry that after a marriage full of lies and cheating, I've lost the ability to love. And often I suspect I'm refusing to fall in love with him and really let myself feel that because I only see a painful ending as a result.

I would love to hear some feedback from others in this position as to whether you held back and resisted feeling more for your poly SO.
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