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Old 07-10-2012, 04:33 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456

I think that the advice others have given has been great, and stuff you really need to take to heart.

Regardless of your other relationships, you need to take a look at yourself in the metaphorical mirror, and decide who you are. Most importantly are what your values are.

Can you continue to live a life where you are lying to the one person that you feel you love and always want to be with, in the interests of having other relationships? Can you do this and hold you head up high and say you are doing the right thing, according to your own set of morals? If the answer is "yes" then you shouldn't be asking for advice on a polyamory forum, but should instead start looking for resources for cheaters - there used to be some out there and they may still exist and give you the resources you need. I don't think that you are going to get much of use on here if you answer this with a "yes".

If "no" then you need to change something. It's as simple as that. Even though you may be poly, your boyfriend is not. In order to have this "dream" relationship with him, you will need to choose to be monogamous with him, and stop lying and cheating on the relationship that you value so much. If being poly is a vital part of your being, then, if your boyfriend won't ever be happy with that, there is no future for you two.

It is really this simple (and, at the same time, complicated).

It's a very difficult situation to be in - in was in a similar position at the start of my poly life and I complicated the whole thing with lots of rationalisations - but it boiled down to exactly the points I mentioned above - save yourself some time and work through that decision and start living your life according to your true set of values and morals.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State

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