Originally Posted by SexyPixie
I have not had 'successful' relationships outside of my marriage.
I struggle with my husband's girlfriend relationship, specifically the romantic part of their relationship. I feel like I didn't sign up for this and that it's been put upon me and I struggle with keeping it going; I often feel like I don't want it in my life but I also want to give to him and allow him to be his real self.
My husband has been going through a somewhat similar situation. He has had a handful of short-lived friend w/benefit type of relationships but nothing that has the same romantic involvement as what I share with my boyfriend and it has caused him some hurt feelings, jealousy, envy and stressed our relationship at times. Neither of us were specifically looking for romantic relationships but it's a chance we took when we opened up our marriage. I didn't mean to fall in love with my b/f, it just happened.
Because I love my husband dearly and can appreciate how he feels, I have been patient and have done all I can to help make him more comfortable (limiting the frequency of my visits with my b/f, offering a lot of reassurance and affection at home, talking through his jealousy and giving him my assurances I wasn't leaving him, etc...).
But it's taking a long time...he still has some struggles after over a year, almost a year and a half really.. At some point, I have to say I've done all I can and HE has to work the rest of the way and find a better way to deal with his feelings, because in poly, it doesn't always work out that everyone has secondaries at the same time. Would be ideal, but it's not reality.
Later down the road things could be reversed and then I'll have to 'deal'...I can only hope he'll be as patient with me.