So... in the 5 days since, we've been processing what went on. Ginger admitted he purposely focused on her, as he wanted to emotionally bond with her. I am naive about 3way sex. I had thought the point was to have all 3 people be simultaneously stimulated the majority of the time, but both times we've done this, I've been more in the cheerleader category, and those 2, new to each other, have been the more active ones getting most of the goodies.
This has really thrown me... miss p has been in triads 5 times before, and often was more of a witness to the other 2 having sex, not actively involved, so to her, what I went through is perfectly ok and normal. She can sit on the sidelines, watch, or wander off, and only feel compersion, with no full arousal coming from watching, no desire to join in or masturbate or anything.
But she's not as sexual as me.
Both my lovers have been willing to fully discuss this with me, my upset, my envy, my lack of sexual satisfaction. I know both their hearts were in the right place. However they are go with the flow kinds of people. I wasn't "in the flow" that night, just confused why Ginger was focusing on her, and not understanding that was his purpose, to grow their emotional bond. He hadn't given me any headsup beforehand that he was going to do that. I guess it just felt right to him at the time. It sure didn't feel right to me!
Ugh, I'm so confused and feel so out of control. Ginger thought I'd be OK with it all, since we had just had sex an hour or 2 earlier, and knowing we'd probably have one on one sex the following morning before we left. As we did.
3ways are so freekin complicated! I don't know why some people actively WANT and SEEK 3somes in their poly lives. Dating separately is so much easier! I'm sure we will work all this out, but it's fucking WORK!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)