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Old 07-10-2012, 09:04 AM
turtleHeart turtleHeart is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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When I have something specific planned, that is usually respected. Ginko and I are big planners, we typically have things planned out well in advance, and try to keep J informed via sharing our google calendars and telling him directly what we're up for, but as J says he's fundamentally NOT good at keeping to any sort of schedule.

As Ginko would say, J doesn't know if he's going to an event until 30 minutes after it has started (and he may not arrive until we're ready to leave). Likewise he may give the impression he's just briefly dropping by and end up staying much longer if I don't make it clear that I'm ok with the initial timeline indicated, but not beyond that. Things seem to improve as I get better at making my preferences clear, giving not just arrival but leave times. I'd be fine with J being so erratic with his schedule if it didn't impact mine, but as long as Ginko is seeing him I just have to continue asserting myself, while making allowances when I can, much more than I'm used to needing to do, as I'd usually phase anyone out of my life that is so erratic.

Aside from that is the simple issue that I don't feel I can get as close to a secondary as I can to my wife, so I get less out of seeing them, and if picking between time with someone I've just started dating vs Ginko, I usually pick the latter. As much as I can, I mix the two, which only works so long as my dates like being around my wife and vice versa.

I'm not sure I can offer a secondary the level of commitment that would merit them being very available to me, while if someone isn't regularly able to see me at least once or twice a week I don't know how to develop a fulfilling relationship with them. I'm very touch oriented and need that frequency of touch to feel close. I haven't absolutely given up on dating others quite yet. I have my second date with a guy tomorrow, and Ginko is joining me Thursday to go camping with my girlfriend Helena and one of her other metamours that I dated. A large part of why I'm still seeing Helena is that it takes nothing from my time with Ginko as they love being around each other. Our friendship is much older than the dating relationship, but Helena isn't really available enough for the dating part to mature.

Last edited by turtleHeart; 07-10-2012 at 09:15 AM.
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