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Old 07-10-2012, 07:48 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 700

I called FBF yesterday. Realized when I got to talking with him, how much I missed him; and told him so. And he took it rather well. That was lovely. Opened the call with the fact that I missed being able to bitch about CBF to him. I used to do that (too much for what I think is dignified, and WAY less than I had bitching to do). He said, 'why can't you?' 'It just feels wrong somehow.' But then I went ahead and did it, gently. It was a nice call.

And tonight, I got to talk to CBF about state fair, and he seemed fine with it. FBF will drive up a day or two before, we'll have a game night (just like the old days), [this is the weird part for me ->] then CBF goes home to his apt, FBF stays with me, we get up the next day and go to the fair.

In other news, I think I had today what people call a life. I was completely engaged at work, in a way that I rarely am. I don't think I liked it. After work, I grabbed a very quick (challenging for me to be quick) shower, and went off to dinner party at CBF's mom's house. So much fun.

I used to be bored, and I always worked under my capacity. Now, I'm doing a level I'm capable of, and it requires all my investment, and attention, and brains, and whatever. I used to believe that I was deficient for not being fully engaged, and that when I could get there, I'd be happier, more fulfilled, something. I'm not.

I was going to say I'm still bored, and I'm not actually bored. I never look at the clock, I never lack for the next thing to think about or do. But it's meaningless to me. I shovel stacks of papers to and fro, now with the added complication of staff (who act like children, and I'm child-free for a REASON). It is completely without value to me (except I love the roof over my head, and my warm, soft bed, and my full-belly).

I'd much rather be bored, and working under capacity; and have some energy left at the end of the day to make the rest of my life meaningful.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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