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Old 07-10-2012, 07:48 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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I called FBF yesterday. Realized when I got to talking with him, how much I missed him; and told him so. And he took it rather well. That was lovely. Opened the call with the fact that I missed being able to bitch about CBF to him. I used to do that (too much for what I think is dignified, and WAY less than I had bitching to do). He said, 'why can't you?' 'It just feels wrong somehow.' But then I went ahead and did it, gently. It was a nice call.

And tonight, I got to talk to CBF about state fair, and he seemed fine with it. FBF will drive up a day or two before, we'll have a game night (just like the old days), [this is the weird part for me ->] then CBF goes home to his apt, FBF stays with me, we get up the next day and go to the fair.

***
In other news, I think I had today what people call a life. I was completely engaged at work, in a way that I rarely am. I don't think I liked it. After work, I grabbed a very quick (challenging for me to be quick) shower, and went off to dinner party at CBF's mom's house. So much fun.

I used to be bored, and I always worked under my capacity. Now, I'm doing a level I'm capable of, and it requires all my investment, and attention, and brains, and whatever. I used to believe that I was deficient for not being fully engaged, and that when I could get there, I'd be happier, more fulfilled, something. I'm not.

I was going to say I'm still bored, and I'm not actually bored. I never look at the clock, I never lack for the next thing to think about or do. But it's meaningless to me. I shovel stacks of papers to and fro, now with the added complication of staff (who act like children, and I'm child-free for a REASON). It is completely without value to me (except I love the roof over my head, and my warm, soft bed, and my full-belly).

I'd much rather be bored, and working under capacity; and have some energy left at the end of the day to make the rest of my life meaningful.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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