Thread: Time: The Enemy
View Single Post
Old 07-10-2012, 01:56 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by turtleHeart View Post
I don't know if it'd work if your husband is against being among groups of people, but what about attending gatherings that your kids can enjoy while whoever your husband met online can get to know you and your husband a bit without it being so centered on her that you have to worry about the kids getting attached to her after just a couple visits?
I think this would be an AWESOME idea and it would also alleviate some of the "he gets to know them and then suddenly drops the bomb so to speak expecting them and I to be "sudden friends". I'll certainly pass this idea on!

Originally Posted by ksandra View Post
I might've missed this somewhere but has Maca mentioned why it's so important that you befriend his So's with the kids? My parents were so cautious about introducing us to anyone they were seeing and we were usually the last to meet them after friends, coworkers etc.
The issue is this:
He doesn't want to give up time with the kids and I-as he's insecure and has a tendency to be possessive. He's also very involved and that's a good thing. The first few years of our marriage he tended to be uninvolved and he realized that he didn't like being left out. It's great he figured that out-and we love to include him.
BUT-if he wants to introduce new people into the picture with the kids, he needs to keep it platonic around the kids until some level of dependabillity about the relationship is established. For the kids sake. THIS has proven difficult for him.

Part of the difficulty is again, his own insecurity. My boyfriend lives with us-he's an integral part of our family life and maintains very close relationships with our kids.
Maca wants the same type of relationship. But, my boyfriend has been in the picture for 20 years and that started as JUST FRIENDS.
Building that type of depth, intimacy and trust, takes time.

One of the things GG and I discussed today, is it's a matter of responsibility.

When you are single, you only have yourself to ensure "clicks" with a new potential.
But, when you have kids-you have to ensure that you AND the kids "click" with that person OR segregate your time.
When you have a family-you have to ensure that you AND THE FAMILY "click" with that person OR segregate your time.

Maca doesn't want to segregate his time. Which I totally understand-neither do I.
But, he also doesn't want to learn how to date in a different manner.

For me, any person I consider as a potential, has already established a friendship with me AND MY FAMILY. If that hasn't happened, there is no "potential" for more. I never go in "looking for a date". I'm always looking for a friend. After our friendship has reached the point where they are considered "part of the family" then I might consider the possibility of taking it to a romantic relationship.
By doing that, I ensure that I've already weeded out anyone who has any difficulty functioning with my family.

Pretty much, they have to earn the right to flowers, dates, romance and one on one time-by putting in their time as "part of the group".
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote