View Single Post
Old 07-10-2012, 01:42 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Originally Posted by apophis View Post
You're right. The example does not require exclusivity, but you're missing the point (or at least didn't directly address it). My point was not to illustrate individual things that can only be done if exclusive. That's impossible. You'd never find something. Depending on what poly people choose to spend their time on, they could always do some of the same individual things that the mono relationships are doing. My point is the sum total of all of those things happening the majority of the time cannot be replicated. That's the fundamental difference. So it would never be about pointing to some specific thing that mono people can do which poly people could never do. Arguably the whole point of being poly is the freedom to do anything. The point is that the level of understanding and individual focused commitment created in a mono relationship cannot be replicated in a poly relationship for reasons of physics.

It's interesting what you gain from relating the experiences, and of course all humans gain something from some form of stories. However we are physical creatures. Your brain rewires in accordance with what you interact with. A great deal of your self and perception is based on stored memories. Love I think is separate from that. It's an emotional state or a state of feeling. It may also be an ethical state for some people where they define love by the ability/desire to make sacrifices. However from a realistic standpoint a mature and committed mono partner will always end up knowing their partner better than a mature and committed poly partner. I don't think there's any way around that. I agree with (and I'm too lazy to scroll back and find out) the person who said that not all monos will be willing to go deep and not all polys will be willing to go wide. I think that's very accurate. However in the instance where you had two polys willing to go deep and wide currently in multiple relationships, they cannot achieve the same depth of understanding and knowledge of the other person as two monos willing to go deep and not going wide. That has nothing to do with how it feels to the individual. It's just the practical reality of it.
Just to clarify, as I'm not sure you understood what I meant, I didn't mean that you can be with one person doing something, the way you described, and later do that with someone else. I meant that all three people can be together, and suddenly say "hey, in my book, this happened", and arguably gain more from it because instead of just one response they'd have two, and more back and forth and insight into one another.
So to me, your example is a case in which a polyamorous relationship would bring all the partners closer rather than bring them less close. There are more books being read, therefore more potential comments being made by one of the partners, and more responses to your comments due to there being two partners. I'll learn more of partner A is partner B responds and then partner A reacts to it than if there was no partner B around to begin with.
Reply With Quote