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Old 07-09-2012, 08:12 AM
turtleHeart turtleHeart is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 90

My wife and I generally pick activities that we can both enjoy and grow together doing, like partner acrobatics, aerial dance, weight lifting at home, Toastmasters, cooking, martial arts, hiking, volunteering to fix bikes together, doing Habitat for Humanity, travelling to various cities on my weekends off, etc. We're even looking forward to taking an academic class or two together sometime, once we can do it just for fun. Also, it's good simply being together even when we're having a lazy day.

At home we have a large papasan cushion on the floor that serves as a little island for us to both sit on with our laptops in front of us, so even as we surf independently, or she's showing me her tumblr, we can be cuddled up together. We both like to be in nearly constant physical contact, as we fall asleep and throughout the day.

Growing up, I was used to dating people that were also dating someone else, but since I generally only got to see them once a week or so whether they were dating someone else or not, I didn't see it hurting my relationship for them to see other people, but I did notice that I was never as close to them as I wanted to be. I used to think I needed to be with multiple people in order to get all the affection/closeness I desired, but ended up finding the experience of going deep with one person to be preferable, provided that one person also wants to follow that route. With Ginko, since we both love being with each other as much as we can, I finally felt sated for time and affection shared (quality time and touch are my two love languages), but with her seeing someone else, though we still spend more time together than most monogamous couples, the difference is notable to me.

We still do much of the above, but if I don't assert my preference for one on one time, particularly on weekends, I get much less of it, as we may spend all weekend hanging out with J at his place or ours. This weekend actually went really well as I made it more clear what I was wanting and when it'd work well for me for her to see J, and for once no one ended up feeling shortchanged. I'm looking forward to seeing how we can do next weekend. Even if I prefer monogamy, I'm feeling more hopeful that we might find a way to be happy with the current relationship structure in the meantime.

Last edited by turtleHeart; 07-09-2012 at 08:15 AM.
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