Originally Posted by Arrowbound
That can be a slippery slope. It's not supposed to be a race or a competition; if you need to fill more time, it doesn't need to be with another person. In fact, it can be even more of a detriment. Another = an additional set of characteristics, emotions, habits, etc. that need to be taken into account. It's like emphasizing you can't have fun without mirroring your SO, which of course is not true.
I didn't mean what I said in terms of competition, "Keeping up with the joneses" (er...one's partner). It's absolutely correct that one shouldn't need
to have someone just because one's partner does. In a perfect world, we'd all feel cool just hanging out by ourselves doing hobbies while our partners are with their new girlfriends/boyfriends. But realistically? Actually having someone else yourself (I'm talking about someone you genuinely like/adore, not just someone you picked up in order to "keep up") is probably a lot more effective in reducing your "seething while he's out with his new girlfriend."
I mean, in the situation I was in, when he and I were talking about seeing each other again, and then a few days later he told me that she was bristling about it, he told me that she had said, "Wait til I'm dating someone too..." So even she was thinking...it would be easier on me if I had someone myself.
I mean, maybe people like to think they are "too mature" and "too evolved" to have to hurry up and get a gf/bf of their own just because their partner has one, but I say...get one. It's also not great to feel jealous, so work through it and try to feel okay with it in your own right, but you can do even more to ease the difficulty by having fun yourself, even just going on dates. Go out on girls nights with your female friends. Don't sit at home, 'cause you're just gonna give him/her hell for having a good time without you.
The girl in my situation, when I had coffee with her, I asked her if she was dating or trying to date, and I think she tried to pull the old, oh-so-mature 'no, I don't need to keep up with him' She said to me in this very mature way, "I am far too busy right now. I have several projects I"m working on. I can't even think about it."
Come to find, a week or two later, she put up a newly-created OkCupid profile and was trying to get out there because he had someone. I also hear from him that she was very jealous of me being around.