Cindie, yes that's what I wish I could say. Exactly that.
I'm feeling like any response is interpreted as me feeling insecure/jealous OR being disapproving and not there for him (happened last time). And, his reassurance mode is creeping me out. When he wrote me the first "I was weak and she's coming, you were right about me not having it all worked out" drama e-mail, I wrote back a nice noncommittal, "That will be nice for you, you've been kind of lonely up there in your new place." I got back a whole "I wish it were you, you're so special, etc." Then, when I wrote, "I'm not jealous, no need to reassure, have a great weekend" I got back, "Yes, I'm trying to reassure, I really mean it, etc. etc." Then, the next one, "She's here and it's okay so far." I didn't respond.
I think it takes a beat or two for me to figure out what's getting at me.
I'm not sure if it's a LD thing, or a secondary thing, or just this particular person. It's the first LD relationship I've ever had and the first long-term secondary relationship I've ever had. Is this kind of thing common? Maybe it's just him and I need to do more communication work, but honestly I'm tired!
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."James Baldwin