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Old 07-08-2012, 03:31 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,864

I little background (long version in my blog) - MrS and I have never identified as monogamous, but my prior forays have been limited to women. He has always agreed intellectually with the concept of poly but found it hard to overcome his reaction to the idea of me being sexually intimate with another man. For 19 years this was not a problem (fact is, I just don't LIKE that many men ) - then Dude came into the picture.

How did MrS react? Panic, rage, stomping. Banned Dude from our lives. Pit of Depression. (Granted, I handled the whole thing wrong - again the story of my Jackassedness detailed in my blog.)

So - 10 weeks later MrS and Dude make up, Dude moves in, happily ever after...(well, not quite so easy but surprisingly well).


Benefits to MrS - at this time, with this metamour:

Happy wife

More attention from wife - don't want hubs feeling like he is losing anything, so give him MORE

Doesn't have to be my "everything" - Not feeling up to being the active listener? Don't feel like having a political debate? Don't feel like cuddling? Don't feel like sex? Don't feel like keeping me company while I run errands? - no problem, we'll do that next time - Dude you feel like taking this one?

Gets to hang out with his best friend while I am away all day at work

Someone to work on projects with - house, car, etc.

Someone to share cooking/shopping chores

Someone to commiserate with when I am being irrationally female


Neither of my boys are actively looking for other partners but say that they are open to other relationships should they come along.

Benefits to me if MrS gets a girlfriend:

More love for hubs, More happy to share

Feeling that things are more balanced - I don't have to worry about him being lonely if I am off with Dude

I don't have to be his everything

Maybe girlfriend will like me too?

Benefits to me if Dude gets a girlfriend:

He can fulfill some of his sexual needs elsewhere - give me a break (Dude is seriously horny ALL THE TIME)

She can take him out/away - quiet time for me alone with hubs

Someone for him to go to concerts/parties/social events with - so I don't feel I have to go


BUT, I agree that these benefits are subjective - they have to be viewed as such by the person experiencing them. My pluses might be someone else's minuses...

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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