Originally Posted by badger24
I have been quite happy to let her be open and myself not but she said she cant live with the guilt of her having this open relationship and me not.
A few years ago, my husband and I decided to take up knitting together. He took off really fast with it, and was wonderful at it and loved it. I sucked at it and did not enjoy it one little bit. Had he felt terrible guilt over knitting when I wasn't knitting, he would've missed out on a wonderful opportunity to do something he is excellent at and loves, and I wouldn't have these awesome sweaters
All that's to say: nothing will fuck up a newly poly relationship faster than one or both partners deciding that the arrangement needs absolute symmetry. People are different--the main important thing in any relationship is that you both get your needs met. For her, that seems to mean being poly. For you, it may or may not. Even if you do both want to be poly, you each need to go your own pace. Everyone's poly path is different; she may go fast and furious, and you may take years to settle in. Comparing or competing with each other, or thinking you should be having the same experience as one another, is only going to drive a wedge between you.