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Old 07-08-2012, 02:34 PM
noob noob is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58

Originally Posted by PhilosophicallyLost View Post
This stems from the falling out I've had with my brother over my decision to try poly. He's very much of the belief that my choice to do so is immoral and he seems to find it be a very unhealthy relationship structure devoid of proper commitment.

I will be responding to his comments with a letter, since that's how we've been communicating in a civil manner lately. In order to succinctly address his big morality question mark, I wanted to know your guys' beliefs for WHY polyamory is not immoral. What in your eyes makes it ethical and deserving of acceptance? How can it be a healthy expression of love for all parties involved? I have some of my own ideas already about this, but you guys are a bit more experienced than I am and may have some ideas I don't.
I haven't read the other responses. For me, it comes down to this: the people in the poly arrangement openly and without coercion consent to the arrangement. It doesn't affect anyone outside of that arrangement, so whether others think that poly is a healthy expression of love, and a valid relationship form, is just as moot as whether I think my friends' marriage is healthy. It's their marriage; it doesn't matter what I think. I'm no more obligated to justify or defend my relationships than my mono friends are obligated to justify and defend their relationships.

That said, some poly people really want non-poly people close to them to understand the philosophical ideals behind poly: the notion that one person shouldn't be expected to meet all our needs, the fact that some people can (and may actually need to) romantically love more than one partner at once, the loneliness and unnaturalness some people feel within the nuclear family, the pursuit of sexual egalitarianism, sexual freedom and autonomy (especially for women), just to name a few...

Personally, I have found that people either get these poly ideas rather quickly or will never get them. I've given up on long-winded justifications of poly and in most cases I just focus on: "Everyone in this arrangement has consented to it. We're all okay. We would appreciate your support but don't require it. However, we will not listen to repeated criticisms of our lifestyle and our relationships, so if you feel the need to vent about poly, don't do it with us."
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