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Old 07-08-2012, 06:52 AM
turtleHeart turtleHeart is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 90
Default missing monogamy, wondering how to proceed

I think I prefer the closeness of being monogamous with one person (and having them be monogamous with me), but am seeing right now if the chance to have access to the divided energy of multiple people can be enough for me (I'd like to find a way for it to work out for my wife to stay with her boyfriend). I don't feel bothered by the idea of sharing someone physically, but the emotional/commitment part still gets to me even after a year+. Maybe it's because I don't seem to feel compersion, even though I get along with my metamours.

I've tried dating other people but have yet to feel like it's worthwhile in comparison to spending time with friends and my wife. Ginko (my wife) has put in a massive amount of effort to help me be happy with things as they are, and she's willing to stop dating her boyfriend J if that's what I need, but she loves him, he loves her, and I'd feel like crap to require that. J is a good guy, he goes to a lot of effort to get along with me and help me be okay with things, but I'm just not sure I ever will be, and wonder if I'm wasting everyone's time to have it go on as it is any longer.

Ginko's boyfriend suggested she and I brainstorm solutions, and the two of them also said we could set a deadline, perhaps 6 months, to either figuring out how to make things work or go back to being monogamous. She needs some kind of resolution because it hurts her to have something that makes her happy make me sad to, at best, indifferent. Meanwhile J is in the midst of looking for a primary and had already mentioned before all this came up that he might have to switch to just being friends with Ginko if the person he finds needs monogamy, and she's supportive of that change if necessary since she knows he needs a primary. Any thoughts?

Last edited by turtleHeart; 07-08-2012 at 07:44 AM. Reason: to make it concise enough to read
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