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Old 07-08-2012, 06:48 AM
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StarTeddy StarTeddy is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 55

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
I think that these two quotes show the major contradiction that you have going on in yourself, because they just don't match. The second part says that you absolutely WOULD compromise your ideals in order to have a relationship with someone else.

So which is it? Because it really can't be both.


IF you are poly, then that is you. How much are you willing to compromise that in order to have a relationship? Would you die your hair (or shave it off), get a tattoo, vote for the other party in an election, change your religion (or adopt one). How much or little are you willing to give up to make a relationship work? There's no right or wrong answer to this - it is who you are. For each of the things that you are willing to give up, how much would you resent the fact that you had to give it up?
Well for me, I don't think it's a contradiction because although I may change some behaviors to please them (like wearing clothing I think they'd like more often), I would never compromise my ideals (or if you prefer, my principles) for someone. I would never lie (to myself or otherwise) to please anyone, because that goes against my core ideal of honesty. I wouldn't change my beliefs for anyone either. I always stay myself, it's just the little things I do to please them, because I want them to be happy.

I strongly believe that the first step to working things out is to really know yourself, and be brutally honest with yourself. Come up with a picture of the person you are, and see if your actions reflect that or if there are contradictions, like the one above. If there are contradictions, try to use those to modify your self-image to fit that. Keep doing that until you feel you have a good idea of who you are, flaws and all.

THEN you can start to work on those flaws. If you don't have a good picture of yourself then you're not going to be able to do much in the way of successful work on yourself, and a professional really won't be able to help you much.


You have a long road ahead of you, and I wish you luck on your journey. If you work on it, then things WILL get easier, believe me. Make a conscious decision to start this work on yourself.
I try to know myself. It was through introspection that I realized that all of my annoying bad habits were because I have abandonment issues. My psychologist was surprised because she told me that she doesn't often get people who know what their problems are. I actually used to have really high self-esteem. I thought I was the queen of the world and that men would grovel at my feet. It was after some serious introspection that I realized that I'm really not all that--I have my good qualities but I have my fair share of problems too, that I need to work on. I'm less happy with myself now, but I can live with that...I'd rather know myself for who I am than be a narcissistic fool.
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