Also, I know that Derek has deep caring for his girlfriend and loves her. He doesn't want to hurt her, and he rightfully abided by what she wanted. But you have to consider that she deprived him of the opportunity to have a second woman who loves him, who adores him. I was so incredibly crazy for him. I mean, he would have loved that. He did love that. When I was with him, one night in bed, he said he felt so lucky that he has both of us. He said, "I love being with both of you." He was way into me. It was awesome. He liked having two women. So she kept him from having that by not being willing to work it out.
I think she doesn't have anything against me at all. We were actually pals in a sort of very distant way before. She knows I'm sane; we hang out with the same type of people, etc; we have the same political stance and ideology about social issues. I think she just can't deal with not being #1 to him. And even if she is #1 to him over me (at this point and possibly into the future as well), I come in way too close a 2nd for her comfort. Maybe she thinks I'd overtake her in 1st place.
But I think that's part of being poly. You have to realize you're not the only attractive woman in the world. But it's not about who loves who more. You love different things about different people. I remember when I was talking to him about it, I told him, "Tell her not to feel jealous. I can't give you the things she gives you, and she can't give you the things I give you. We're different people. I can't replace her, nor could she replace me, because we're different people."
And I genuinely feel that way. She's attractive, but I think my jealousy is minimal because she's not attractive in the same way I'm attractive, and I don't think I'm attractive in the same way she's attractive. So, I don't think I would have been sitting up nights when he was with her, seething over him enjoying her and having a good time. Not much, anyway. I've got a whole different personality, and it's not possible for her to be me.
One could argue that I just have way too much confidence in my cuteness and attractiveness. (Not on here, of course; on here I'm angry and ranting, lol). I don't see why she couldn't feel the same. She should have confidence in her own hotness and coolness, whatever the case. And know that I'm not able to replicate it, so I'm certainly not replacing her.
Last edited by mercury; 07-08-2012 at 06:30 AM.