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Old 07-08-2012, 05:46 AM
mercury mercury is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed
Jeni was almost in tears when she talked to you. Not because she was suffering from being immature, insecure, and controlling--because when she saw how quickly and wonderfully you connected with Derek, it broke her heart. . . . Derek meets you and falls for you so hard that within 4 weeks he thinks he could see the two of you living together someday, etc.

Jeni was crushed. And who wouldn't be, in her situation?
Hi, she didn't actually look like she was going to cry; she sort of had this "strained" "pained" look on her face, which yes, was kind of like she was hurt. I don't know. I don't necessarily know when people are about to cry. She just look...strained...somehow. And I don't think she was 'immature' or 'insecure' or 'controlling' because of that. Or for her feeling jealous at all. I felt she was being unfair/immature/controlling when she wasn't willing to work with the situation after I put so much out there in terms of wanting to be friendly with her, wanting to create a situation that was peaceable for all of us. I know it was hard for her.

But people must understand, too, that I had feelings for the guy. She was doing what was right for her, I guess. But what was right for her was breaking my heart. And I didn't think it had to be that way, considering I wanted to create a true poly situation where, yes, he and I have a lot of new relationship energy that would be hard for her. But I had planned to do everything I could to ease that for her. I had planned to be so gentle and caring toward her, too. Not just be his new girlfriend and hope he was handling it with her just fine. I wanted to be close to her.

I don't think she was immature to feel jealous. I think she's immature to demand that he start with some new woman, considering I have feelings for him, I wanted to love and care for him. I also wanted to love and care for her in friendship.

And as far as he and I being connected and having a good time so quickly and that being a shock to her, one that was hard to deal with...I understand that. But the thing is...it happened. Once it's happened, it seems a bit crazy to say "STOP!"

There are a lot of things she could have done other than said "Nope"

Here are some of the approaches that could have been taken but were not.

Her to him possibilities:
"This situation is really hard for me. You guys can see each other, but can we ease back into this? Can you guys maybe see each other just once a week for a while? Maybe even just hold off on sex for a while?"

"How about I spend some time with her, maybe two or three friendly outings, and then maybe after she and I get comfortable, you two can slowly start dating?"

If I had been in her shoes, I wouldn't have stopped him from seeing me. I'd just make him take it really slowly, and maybe even demand that I be the "priority" at first so that I could ease into it.

I (me, mercury) would have accepted a desire on her part for he and I to take it slowly, even like just friends for a while.

All kinds of compromises could have been made but weren't.
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