Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed
Jeni was almost in tears when she talked to you. Not because she was suffering from being immature, insecure, and controlling--because when she saw how quickly and wonderfully you connected with Derek, it broke her heart. . . . Derek meets you and falls for you so hard that within 4 weeks he thinks he could see the two of you living together someday, etc.
Jeni was crushed. And who wouldn't be, in her situation?
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Hi, she didn't actually look like she was going to cry; she sort of had this "strained" "pained" look on her face, which yes, was kind of like she was hurt. I don't know. I don't necessarily know when people are about to cry. She just look...strained...somehow. And I don't think she was 'immature' or 'insecure' or 'controlling' because of that. Or for her feeling jealous at all. I felt she was being unfair/immature/controlling when she wasn't willing to work with the situation after I put so much out there in terms of wanting to be friendly with her, wanting to create a situation that was peaceable for all of us. I know it was hard for her.
But people must understand, too, that I had feelings for the guy. She was doing what was right for her, I guess. But what was right for her was breaking my heart. And I didn't think it had to be that way, considering I wanted to create a true poly situation where, yes, he and I have a lot of new relationship energy that would be hard for her. But I had planned to do everything I could to ease that for her. I had planned to be so gentle and caring toward her, too. Not just be his new girlfriend and hope he was handling it with her just fine. I wanted to be close to her.
I don't think she was immature to feel jealous. I think she's immature to demand that he start with some new woman, considering I have feelings for him, I wanted to love and care for him. I also wanted to love and care for her in friendship.
And as far as he and I being connected and having a good time so quickly and that being a shock to her, one that was hard to deal with...I understand that. But the thing is...it happened. Once it's happened, it seems a bit crazy to say "STOP!"
There are a lot of things she could have done other than said "Nope"
Here are some of the approaches that could have been taken but were not.
Her to him possibilities:
"This situation is really hard for me. You guys can see each other, but can we ease back into this? Can you guys maybe see each other just once a week for a while? Maybe even just hold off on sex for a while?"
"How about I spend some time with her, maybe two or three friendly outings, and then maybe after she and I get comfortable, you two can slowly start dating?"
If I had been in her shoes, I wouldn't have stopped him from seeing me. I'd just make him take it really slowly, and maybe even demand that I be the "priority" at first so that I could ease into it.
I (me, mercury) would have accepted a desire on her part for he and I to take it slowly, even like just friends for a while.
All kinds of compromises could have been made but weren't.