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Old 07-08-2012, 04:34 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by StarTeddy View Post
I'm a terrible mish-mash of attitudes, because although I'm emotionally dependent on other people, I'm ideologically VERY independent, and I have a dominant streak. I would never compromise my own ideals for anyone else.


I tend to be domineering in my relationships, but I do also want to be whatever the other person wants me to be.
I think that these two quotes show the major contradiction that you have going on in yourself, because they just don't match. The second part says that you absolutely WOULD compromise your ideals in order to have a relationship with someone else.

So which is it? Because it really can't be both.

I strongly believe that the first step to working things out is to really know yourself, and be brutally honest with yourself. Come up with a picture of the person you are, and see if your actions reflect that or if there are contradictions, like the one above. If there are contradictions, try to use those to modify your self-image to fit that. Keep doing that until you feel you have a good idea of who you are, flaws and all.

THEN you can start to work on those flaws. If you don't have a good picture of yourself then you're not going to be able to do much in the way of successful work on yourself, and a professional really won't be able to help you much.

IF you are poly, then that is you. How much are you willing to compromise that in order to have a relationship? Would you die your hair (or shave it off), get a tattoo, vote for the other party in an election, change your religion (or adopt one). How much or little are you willing to give up to make a relationship work? There's no right or wrong answer to this - it is who you are. For each of the things that you are willing to give up, how much would you resent the fact that you had to give it up?

You have a long road ahead of you, and I wish you luck on your journey. If you work on it, then things WILL get easier, believe me. Make a conscious decision to start this work on yourself.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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