Originally Posted by nycindie
But it sounds like your issues are deeper than just a sleeping schedule. Sounds like it's time to stand up for yourself and renegotiate. They don't get to make all the rules just because they're married and that's what they're used to. A triad should be 1+1+1, not couple +1. Also sounds like your girlfriend needs to grow up a little bit.
Originally Posted by Arrowbound
Of course you want more... you BARELY get ANYTHING! This is ridiculous. It sounds like she's the boss of you two and what she says goes. Emergency sitdown necessary, like ASAP. All three of you. And you need to stress that you're a partner in this too. She's not the centre of everyone else's universe.
Yes and yes to both of these.
I think this obviously encompasses much more than sleeping arrangements. Your needs are not being valued here and it sounds like you are not being treated like an equal (or significant) part of this "triad" relationship.
You deserve consideration and respect and it does not sound like you are getting either. It sounds like the one person's (GF/wife's) wants and insecurities are trumping the needs or wants of anyone else. That's not healthy in any relationship, regardless of how many people are involved.
It sounds like a serious sit-down and some renegotiating is in order. Yes, this sort of thing is uncomfortable, but it is obviously necessary and can't be avoided. You shouldn't have to be constantly uncomfortable or unfulfilled just to keep this gal from being temporarily uncomfortable with having a necessary conversation.
Every relationship is different and has its special considerations and inequalities, but you definitely deserve more than scraps and leftovers.