View Single Post
Old 07-07-2012, 03:52 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,836

Originally Posted by Polywhirl View Post
Recently, my primary went away for a week to a conference (of which only a few days have passed), and when they asked what boundaries they needed to abide by, I told them that being vocally emotional and kissing were fine but I was uncomfortable with anything else. Today, while we were talking on the phone, they told me they had made out with someone at the conference who was very chilled and ok with the boundaries we had set, and asked how I felt about that. I froze. I felt uncomfortable, and unhappy. Then, of course, I felt even more unhappy with my reaction because of the fact that my partner had followed the rules, and yet here I was reacting badly to it.
I had a very similar experience very early in my relationship with MrS (20 years ago now - damn I'm getting old) - although in our case it was ME that identified as poly ... so the hypocrisy was even more ironic.

I wrote a post about it in my blog here:

I found myself jealous and upset even though MrS has done exactly what I told him I wanted. Ouch! Our initial reaction to things comes from many places - only one of which is our logical mind. Don't be upset with yourself because you are human! Just because you find yourself having a certain response "in the moment" doesn't mean you are a hypocrite or "doing it wrong". Others have posted excellent advice about how to process these feelings and learn more about yourself in the meantime.

Breathe...and then enjoy the roller-coaster.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote