Omigosh, I can't believe I haven't written here since April! The last two months at work have been hellacious. Our busiest time of the year and stupid in a normal year. This year, we had triple our normal workload, two noobs, and my boss left in the middle of it (so I'm doing my job and his job now). :P When I get home there's so little left of me. Mostly I sit in my chair and stare at the computer screen.
July is magickally better.
I loved myself through June by telling myself that I would let myself have and do whatever it took to get through. More coffee and sugar than I should have; but I also gave myself an extra massage (my massage guy is amazing), and extra chiropractic visits, and tried to get extra sleep on weekends. I didn't bargain hunt, I just let myself buy what I needed without worrying about it. That was kind of awesome.
So, state fair is coming, and I asked both boyfriends if they'd like to go. Then I realized it might be something we could all do together (like the old days). We haven't been the three of us together since we started this.
Oh yah, today is the 9 year anniversary of my mom's death. I don't remember if I wrote about this already, but it marks an important day for me with First BoyFriend. I had invited him to dinner the evening before. I had met him on St. Patrick's day through a social group we were in. I'd been crushing on him for a while. I had been to visit my mom (in another state) the week before, while I was between old and new jobs. My car had broken down, and he showed me how to use orbitz and such. So, he came to dinner, and left. It was all very civil and cordial. But when he left, I said to myself, 'that's it. there is no interest here. you are his older friend from [social group] and that's it.'
The next day my mom died. I cried myself dehydrated. I realized it was going to be a long night, and I was not prepared to face it alone. So I called him, and apologized. 'I don't know you well enough to ask this, but I'm hoping you can help me. I need a babysitter.' And he came over, and stayed with me til about 1 or 2 am. We packed up leftovers from the night before (cheese and crackers and stuff) and went to a little park. and I told him stuff about my mom. He fed me, and I melted. [do you have any idea how weird it is to be grieving and lusting at the same time?][pretty weird]
It started to get dark and there were unsavory characters coming out to the park, so we left. We went to the drive in movies (he was minorly obsessed with the drive in). He chose whatever di$ney thing was playing, and I melted some more. When it was over, we turned sideways and watched the end of terminator 3.
Then we went to a big box store, and I finally got a whole bottle of water into me, and my headache ceased (that's how I figured out I had been dehydrated).
okay, that was a major digression from where I was intending to go.
So, I propose to him (FBF) that we go to the fair with CBF. And he thought that sounded fun, and maybe he'd come the day before and we could play boardgames. Like old times.
Only it won't be. I am still kinda pretty freaked out about it.
uh-oh, more digression
So, CBF came to us when FBF hired him at work. Then he started hanging out, and we had many nights of board games and drinking. Sometimes there were more people, sometimes just us three.
When CBF and I started seeing each other, we went to the state fair. Later, his mom said 'NR is nice, you should date her.' and he relayed that story to me. I was all, 'I thought that *was* a date.' Apparently, that was just hanging out at the fair. We split garlic fries. Ate them while we watched a gorgeous belly dancing troupe. He was mopping up all the end of the garlic with the last of the fries, and I was happily, absent-mindedly watching. Then he fed them to me. and I melted. (are we seeing a pattern here, kids?)
So, this month is emotionally loaded for me (mom died, fell in love with FBF)(broke up with FBF), and the state fair is loaded for me (started seeing CBF, have been with FBF).
I want to talk with them about it, and I'm sure I will; but I don't want to make anything weirder than it is. Haven't yet asked CBF; I know (in that old relationship energy sort of way) that he will think it's a fabulous idea and be all for it. But then I have to point that FBF will be staying over and CBF gets to go home.