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Old 07-06-2012, 06:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,383

The hardest thing I ever did was own crossing a boundary with my then BF (now DH). I'd crossed a limit with my secondary and I had to own it and ask for forgiveness and opportunity to make ammends. And it could have cost me him because he might not grant forgiveness or opportunity to make amends.

But I had to own it anyway and be honest. Every action has a consequence. And I did, because we were starting to talk about marriage and getting deeper so before we went there we needed to have one of those big talk reboot times and lay things out on the table for THIS next 5 yr bracket of time.

I was amazed when he rose to it and went above and beyond. He told me quite calmly -- "Alright. I am upset. I do not think that is unreasonable to feel right now at this news. Thanks for telling me. I love YOU. I do NOT love THIS. We will deal." And he kissed me and went to bed because he had work the next morning and we'd talk more later. There was no point in losing sleep now.

I love my husband dearly, and would never want to hurt him, but I feel resentment setting in for rejecting me fully.
He didn't reject YOU. He married YOU.

He was not given opportunity until now to weigh the poly thing on his scales to see where it goes for him -- accept poly or reject poly?

And the opportunity you gave him was not fair opportunity -- it comes as newlyweds after the wedding?

You can't get all resentful because you have placed him now in a difficult situation because you withheld information. You basically did a lie of omission if you were aware you were polywired before the wedding. You were out to yourself but not out to him and went through a major life milestone event without full honesty.

But you could ask for forgiveness and apologize and try to continue the marriage from a more honest place.

How you guys decided to be in relationship next is up to you all -- but you have to talk again once he is ready. Don't push him to process faster than he can go -- you already put him in a place he didn't want to be in with a lie of omission.

Any rship of any configuration has rights and responsibilities to hold up on the two way street of relating to each other.

Whatever the outcome -- start hold up your end of the sticks better.

I'm hoping things will work out and you will both be ok. It can't be a fun time over there.



Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-06-2012 at 06:58 PM.
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