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Old 07-06-2012, 05:43 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
I'm sorry if I've missed this somewhere...

How long have you known him?

Did you meet him randomly in NYC and this is how it all started?
Yes, totally random. I met him on the street. Hey, I've dated guys I met on the street before, or in the subway, at the laundromat, etc. I met my husband at the post office. NYC is not as unfriendly as people say!

I was standing outside a bar talking to two people as he was coming out of the bar. I was saying something to them, he must've thought I was talking to him and turned to me. He said, "What did you say?" I repeated myself, and he made a comment and I acknowledged him, but then I just turned back to the other two people and said goodbye to them, since I was already in the process of leaving anyway. I left, and almost two blocks later, I heard someone yelling something. I turned around and he was trying to catch up with me, so I stopped. The streets were crowded with people, it was a Thursday night in an area where lots of bars and clubs are (Thursday nights here are like Friday nights anywhere else), so it wasn't like I stopped in a desolate deserted street to talk to a stranger chasing me, or anything like that.

We stood there and talked for about ten or fifteen minutes and he asked me out to dinner the next night, because he was leaving NYC for Brazil the day after that. So, I went to dinner with him and that's when we shared more personal info with each other, and he told me about his coming to the city a few times a year for this new business venture. We took a little walk after dinner. He was very much a gentleman. Before parting, he expressed that he would like to see me when he comes back here, he wanted me to email him, and at the end of the night he kissed me. It was the only time we'd made physical contact all that night, and it was pretty hot.

He already has my email address because we shared it the first night we met so we could coordinate when/where to meet for dinner. But I think he wants to leave it up to me and not be pushy, so he hasn't contacted me yet. It's been about three weeks now, since we met.

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
Honestly... with your Brazilian guy... unless you are Skyping with him every night, it's going to be difficult to build trust.

You can't actually build anything unless time is put in. You also can't prove that he doesn't have a wife in Brazil.
I don't have the energy to invest in anything daily with anybody, even if they lived around the corner from me. I'm not the type of person who needs contact every day with people I'm involved with. I can see a lover just once a week and that works well for me. Maybe I could see Skyping with this man once a week or so until he comes back to the city. That's a good idea, as we can feel like we're actually having a conversation instead of just emails. I know I signed up for a Skype account once, and my new little laptop has a built-in camera, though it's not the best quality. I've never actually Skyped before and I'm too broke right now to buy a separate new webcam thingie. But I'm somewhat tech-savvy and I can figure it out. I guess I'd start with a thoughtful email first, though.

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
STDs... well, I don't know so much about there being a bigger risk in people from other countries. It's probably more the case that more women sleep with foreign men, because of the romance of it all. So yes.. haha... he may have been around the block a few times... who knows?

The only way you can protect yourself from that is to use condoms and do not perform oral on him. Even if someone had shown me their test results, I still use condoms / no oral, until I trust them.
Whenever I've gone to get tested they always ask if I've had "sex with a foreigner," LOL. I believe the level of risk is connected to what country they're from. I don't know.

I would always use condoms anyway, and I guess I would just have to use restraint and not have oral sex. I just don't know how, practically, asking him to get tested will work if he's only going to be here a week or so. I guess I could bring him to a free clinic. But then wait for results? I guess I will have to work out the logistics.

Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
I definitely don't think you need to be ready to sleep with him next time he comes to visit. If he's coming for work anyway, then seeing you will be a bonus. Even if he's coming just to see you? You still don't have to do anything.

There is a chance that he could be genuine.
I have a feeling he is genuine, but it just seems like it's almost too good to be true, and it's the logistical/practical ways of conducting the relationship that have me stymied.

I do see that it would be much better if we take time to develop the relationship and become more familiar with each other via Skype before he comes back. And then I will know better how I feel when he actually gets here.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 04:42 AM.
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