Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
But, that means not spending time with the family and then HE gets insecure and pissy over feeling replaced by GG in his role in the family. No fault of GG's or mine . . .
Unfortunately, I really don't think there is an answer unless he deals with the emotional drive in him that makes a relationship HAVE to go so fast from meet to sex &/or the issue that makes it HAVE to be physical time in order to matter &/or the insecurity that drives him to feel he MUST be here more than GG or he will be "replaced".
Ahh, LR. I bolded what I think is the real nugget of the issue for Maca, which I think needs to be addressed more than anything. After all these years, with GG living with you and proving himself a stand-up guy, with all the ups and downs you all have gone through, Maca still feels insecure and thinks GG is usurping his position? Wasn't he trying to deal with this in therapy for a while or something?
I personally don't see anything wrong with wanting relationships to get sexual fast, but I think it is the insecurity about his place in your life, and the family, that adds a frenzied, fucked-up need to push things TOO quickly within the very real parameters of his home life, just to assuage his uncomfortable feelings. Even though we may like a fast pace, having patience and sitting with feelings of disappointment, insecurity, and all the crap we start to believe when we are comparing ourselves to others can be a great teacher in and of itself. It's like something I've often said to people who want to know how they can pursue a crush they have for someone they work with, which will get them in all sorts of trouble, and I tell them to just enjoy the crush and not take action. Just because we want to doesn't mean that is best for us, and we can learn a lot from the wanting.
It also sounds like there is an element of keeping score in Maca's thinking. Like, perhaps a major driving force in his wanting a girlfriend is just because you have GG and he feels that is unfair in some way. But imagine how the potential girlfriend feels at the receiving end of that kind of energy. "Oh, I'm just a prize you feel you've won? Buh-bye."