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Old 07-06-2012, 12:48 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Is it ethical that this guy has many partners that don't know each other? As long as he tells them that it's not an exclusive relationship and that he is having sex with other people, whether or not he names them. Absolutely is it ethical - nobody is being lied to.

Is it a type of poly that I would do? Absolutely not.

One of the things I learned about poly is that there are many, many ways to do it, none of them intrinsically better than another, but that we each have our preferences and our "don't go there"s.

DADT, while a legitimate form of poly, is something that a lot of folks won't go in for, for example, because there is little opportunity to validate whether or not it is a true DADT, or if the person is cheating on their spouse...

We have had long discussions about what types of poly we do and prefer, right at the start of the relationship. Sexual health is highly important to us, and if someone has multiple partners that we can't meet and get to know, then we feel that our level of confidence in everyone understanding and respecting our boundaries when it comes to important things like this. Different people have different priorities.

If you and your partner have agreed-upon boundaries when it comes to this stuff, then those need to be respected. Part of the issue of NRE is that there is a tendency to be all heady and giddy, trying to make it work, and boundaries can get overlooked. This is why they are discussed ahead of time and agreed-on. If she is so smitten that she is willing to bypass these agreed-on boundaries, then how can you be certain that she is going to stick to the others that you have agreed on, especially around safer sex protocols?

I definitely think a time-out is important - you guys need to work things through, and see if your agreement needs review.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 07-06-2012 at 12:50 PM.
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