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Old 07-06-2012, 12:17 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456

I am very much against the idea of the primary couple coming up with a list of things that they have worked out between them, not in consultation with anyone else involved, and then to have that presented as a list of demands, where it's "comply or get out". If I were faced with that as a secondary, not matter how reasonable or unreasonable the demands were, I would be out of there like a shot.

What I think is better is for each member of the partnership to talk about their individual needs, wants and likes, which includes boundaries, and to do this each time a new secondary comes along. This gives each person in the relationship an equal footing when it comes to the negotiation, rather than feeling that they are going up against a "couple front".

I strongly suggest that you rethink your plan.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State

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