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  #69  
Old 07-06-2012, 10:39 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 350
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The practicalities of poly can be tricky.

I find that the best thing we can do is look at them in the same abstract way that we look at love and sex.

Firstly, I want you to know that I relate to your feelings.

I am in a poly V with my GF and her husband. I choose not to sleep in the same bed as them. Practical reasons? I can't sleep with three in a bed. Their room is a complete mess. It feels strange to me.

My GF sleeps with her husband a lot more than she sleeps in my bed.

Practical reasons? She finds my bed uncomfortable. She likes the comfort of the bed she's had for 10 years. She's used to waking up next to her husband. Her husband can't stand it when he has to sleep alone.

Like you, I became upset. I felt like I was always waiting. There was no schedule - she'd just come in when she felt like it.

I think a schedule can solve the problem; as unromantic as it sounds. It means that everyone knows when their time is and nobody feels guilty or pressured about where they sleep.

How often do you get to sleep with your partners in one week?

Would it be practical to have your boyfriend with you for one night and your girlfriend with you another night?

Something like this:

M - you and GF / bf sleeps alone
T - you and BF / gf sleeps alone
W - you sleep alone
Th - you sleep alone
Fr - you and GF / bf sleeps alone
Sa - you and BF / gf sleeps along
Su - you sleep alone

you - 2 nights a week with BF, 2 nights with GF, 3 nights alone
BF - 2 nights with you, 3 nights with GF, 2 nights alone
GF - 2 nights with you, 3 nights with BF, 2 nights alone

Or if that's too much...
One night each during the week where one of them sleeps with you. Then alternate weekends.

Or you could skew it so that they see you more when your child isn't living with you.

Or do you not actually want to sleep alone with GF? Just BF?

Sometimes it's not always about getting an exact equal amount of time - but getting what works for everyone. If everyone makes a compromise, things are happier and more fair.

Is sleeping with you important to your BF? Or does he prefer his own bed?
__________________

Me: (30f) open poly
Serious long-distance relationship with GF (40f)
Casual FWB with Descartes (27f)



“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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