Yes, it was 2 year ago this May. That was Bert (Brittany). She was my oldest daughters best friend. She killed herself 2 days prior to graduation.
She came here, spent the day, then said goodbye in a peculiar way to both the little ones and went home and hung herself out her window.
I fight myself because I start to wonder if I shoulda coulda woulda that day.
Our son commented on the peculiarity of her goodbye. She was supposed to be going home to dress and we were all meeting at the girls mutual friends graduation which was that evening.
We actually drove past her apartment on our way "just in case".
and it was too late.
She hadn't been gone more than an hour.
This one, there wasn't any warning like that. This one was a friend from school. She and my oldest had struck up a mutual crush. They had a date scheduled for June 20th. But she never showed up. My duaghter was so upset. She kept calling and texting her. The morning of the 21st (my youngest daughters bday), my friend's mom called my daughter to tell her, she'd found her dead in their garage the night before. No idea what TIME she did it-but she did it sometime after they talked at midnight the night of the 19th, to confirm their date and before midnight the 20th.
I'm so tired of watching these kids give up.
But, I'm also struggling with guilt and a whole slew of other bad emotions-because I know, mid-winter, that's precisely where I am.
I just can't handle it.
This last winter was particularly bad.
I'm glad I was clear to the guys that I really wasn't ok.
But, I nearly had to be hospitalized, it was that bad.
I don't want to be the one who leaves everyone behind wondering.
But, even though I'm clear-headed right now and know that-
I can just as clearly remember how incapable of knowing that I am when the depression hits.