Originally Posted by ksandra
My heart goes out to you and Maca. It's a really frustrating situation.
May I ask whether it's the emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy that's most important to Maca?
When we were both experiencing NRE this was a good pause because it allowed things to settle when they were getting too intense.
Makes perfect sense to me. But, for him if there is no sexual intimacy-there is no intimacy (in his mind). He's a physical touch person, so if there is no physical touch-he tends to move on and leave behind the relationship. Quite literally.
That is one of the reasons the NRE is such a nightmare. Because NRE hits and it's EVERY DAY he "needs" to see the person. But, that means not spending time with the family and then HE gets insecure and pissy over feeling replaced by GG in his role in the family. No fault of GG's or mine.
Really-I think the sensible commitment for him to make would be once a week face to face and stick to text/phone the rest of the week, for a few months. But, I'm not a physical touch person. I'm quality time. So I can't really say that would actually function for him.
Originally Posted by nycindie
Would it be possible for Maca to rearrange his work schedule and have four longer days in order to get one more full day off? Do you think that would even help at all?
Nope. He works construction. I actually have suggested that, and sometimes they do work that way-like this week, because the 4th was mid-week they worked 4 10s because they can't work the 4th (union).
But, then today something came up at work. He should have been off work and heading home by 5 or 5:30 at the latest. However, it's 7pm and he JUST headed home-so by the time he gets here, it will be after 8 and he won't have seen anyone.
That's not an EVERY WEEK issue. But, its frequent enough to frustrate him (and one of the reasons he's really supportive of me finishing school).
Unfortunately, I really don't think there is an answer unless he deals with the emotional drive in him that makes a relationship HAVE to go so fast from meet to sex &/or the issue that makes it HAVE to be physical time in order to matter &/or the insecurity that drives him to feel he MUST be here more than GG or he will be "replaced".
I recognize that at this point, really, it's all a him thing. He's gotta decide what he's willing to change to make it work-or it won't work.
But, I still have my own emotions regarding it.
1) I feel sympathy for him.
2) I don't want to get blamed anymore for his not having another relationship just becuase I don't become close to them as quickly as he/they want.
Ironically-NOT ONE TIME has ANY of these women reached out to me to invite me to coffee or whatever. In every case, it was me who did that.
But, it's still me that gets labeled the hypocrite, possessive and in the last case "psycho" because I don't want to have them around for every family get together when I don't know them.