I completely understand your feelings.
Check this out:
I'm a woman looking for a woman.
I live in the UK for three months, US for three months, back and forth.
My primary girlfriend lives in the US.
I'm also a Domme.
And a picky b*tch at that
What else? Oh yes. For various reasons, I choose to attempt to be polysexual - I don't want to be in love with anyone but my primary.
So the person who fits this must be:
A woman into women (cuts down about half the population)
Doesn't mind when I vanish for 3 months at a time (more cut down)
Doesn't mind me having a GF (cuts way down)
Is kinky (see where I'm going)
Preferably a sub
Preferably can spell
Doesn't want to fall in love
I think that leaves about three women in the UK. And I've already dated two of them.
How about we look at it a different way.
How many people have you seen in God-awful, boring, stale marriages? Relationships where they don't really get each other; they just exist together? I've seen a lot. Maybe all Brits are miserable.
You're 21 and you know what you're looking for already.
When I was 21 (read my description above again) ... I was dating a vanilla, monogamous man! He could spell though, so that was a bonus.
Thank God we're still friends - but what a big fat (yet very sweet) waste of both of our time.
So what I'd do is this...
Start looking at your dating criteria as a good thing.
It's going to help you weed people out.
Also, try not to look at poly as a big dirty secret. Seriously. To hell with the world.
I came out as a lesbian at the age of 13. The entire school followed me around for weeks. Then I came out as bisexual at 17. Then I changed my mind again a couple of years ago. In my last job, everyone knew I was poly, everyone knew I liked women. I've been there and I know it's daunting.
In terms of meeting people in real life vs internet.
When you meet people in real life, it tends to be through social circles. Individuals in social circles tend to have something in common with each other. So... if you met a poly person... you might find a lot of their friends are poly too.
I am personally a fan of online dating. I can put it all out there on my profile and I might only get one woman a month message me... but it's the right kind of woman. I've met all three of my kinky poly secondaries over the past year on Plenty of Fish. Zero through FetLife. Two of them, were a bit dull online - but fantastic in person! So try not to judge them by the online chemistry... if they look cute, can prove that they're safe/genuine, then it's just an extra way to open doors.
Just remember that:
- being in the wrong relationship closes doors to the right ones
- being in no relationship opens every door!