And just a crush? Why is just sharing that you have a crush a biggie in the marriage? It's not going to cause the marriage to crumble just to share that is it? We're all human. We are attracted.
I tell my DH about all the time. One of our fav dates when we were younger (and poorer) was to split a drink at the mall food court because it had a balcony looking down to the lower floor and just oogle people together.
"Oooh. Yah. Totally my type."
"No WAY! I saw first!"
"Nuh-uh! I did!"
It was silly and it was fun. Maybe your DH is into that.
Or maybe he's not and he's more like "Yah, I know. People are people. But that's not really my thing so... not a part of your internal world that I feel comfortable in. Have crushes, enjoy, but I'm not really into the sharing of crushies."
(I) feel like I need to at least talk to my husband about my feelings and do some real exploring to figure out what it is I do want and get a clearer understanding of his boundaries as they stand now, as well as future possibilities.
Fair enough. So talk.
I'm just really not sure how to go about bringing all this up without making it sound like some horrible guilty confession for having a crush and as though I just want to go sleep with my guy friend.
Um... straight up? Something like....
So... DH. Can we talk about my inner world some? Like Friday night from 9PM - 11 PM? (and the time comes)
Alright, so I want to share inner world thoughts with you and it is ONLY sharing at this point. I'm feeling weird and vulnerable and I want you to be like Active Listener person.
You already know I'm bi, so cool. I've been reviewing my past and reading new things and wondering if I'm also poly since I learned some new vocab.
I don't want to do anything about that at this point. I just want to sit with it and digest and review my life with this new vocab lens. And I'd like to be able to sit with it with YOU sometimes and just process this inner world discovery. You up for that? Helping me "what if" stuff so I can examine how I feel?
IF YES: Ok, thanks for being willing. That's all I want to cover.
IF NO: Ok, you are not up for that. Thanks for letting me check in tho. Is it ok with you if I "what if" with other people? My best friend? Online anonymously? You are my first dibs guy but if you aren't up I'd still like to spend some time sitting with it and get feedback.
There you go.
At 3 yrs rship, with 1 married... do you know about the 4 yr itch?
Totally normal, BTDT. Seen other people weather that patch out.
But also something to think about -- we're 20 yrs in almost. But most of our arguments and crazy happened around the 3-4 yr mark. The pink fluffy lalas of NRE were well over, but the ORE groove wasn't especially deep yet. So it was a weird time for us since we'd moved in together, were engaged, etc.