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Old 07-04-2012, 06:04 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,091

Alright, you guys have a baby.

I hope you put the child's need FIRST.

It is something that makes us feel complete but we are very confused about what all of this means
As for what it means, it means that you both do not have recreational sex. (swinging). You both seem to prefer sex in a bigger relationship context that includes emotional attachment. (poly)

You envision your Other Significant Others perhaps sharing life with you in other ways -- like living together down the road.

Will this mean financial entanglements or everyone pay their own way?

Will they also be coparenting your child with you? Do you even want your child to form strong parent figure type attachments to other people? What if they bail?

Do you require genetic monogamy of your fiancee? Only siring children with YOU or are you open to your child having half-siblings with OSO people? What about you having children by another OSO that is not the fiancee? (And in the meanwhile everyone condom! You prob don't want or need another baby right now even with your fiancee. Babies are demanding.)

There's a lot to think about, sure. But breathe.



You don't have to have all this solved by tomorrow morning. Life is long, and you don't need to live it all up at the front end of your young adulthood.

I have some friends in their early 20's and it is typical of the decade to want to know NOW, to RUSH on so.

This is why Luke Skywalker is how he is in Star Wars when we meet him. Very 20's impetus -- because the main thing of the decade is to leave the nest and make it out on your own. So there's a lot of ooooomph drive there pushing you forward. I get that.

Cada epoca tiene su encanto -- every epoch (stage) has its enchantments (charms). The 20s, 30s, 40s and so on are very different in vibe.

That's fine then that the 20's vibe has that drive, that "push forward move ON" thing to it. But remember YOU drive the turbo charged car. The CAR does not drive you. Do not confuse the "urgent" with the "important."

I think it's safe to sleep on it and talk with fiancee for a while, and talk about things with your current OSOs for a while.

After all, you and fiancee can come up with an agreement you both like but that doesn't mean the OTHER people want to sign up for picket white fence houses and kids now, does it? They are their own people with their own ideas and feelings about how they want to live their lives.

Maybe they will, maybe the won't.

On your end, I think strengthening your rship with fiancee doesn't hurt. Getting this parent thing down doesn't hurt. You say fiancee -- so I'm guessing there's a wedding being planned at some point. Both marriage and baby are big on the stress scale of life stuff. Get past these things a bit first. Getting into polymath adds to your time management stress. Can't prevent all life stress, but some you CAN choose and somewhat control your stress load and how it plays out.

Example? Right now we're closed. I have enough stress and things going on with parenting and eldercare and chronic health issues. I'm not adding a new OSO to the mix now because that would make me nuts!

You may very well find that you want to leave it just where it is as for now while sorting these other parts of your life first. Just date your OSO's on the side and agree to powow on how to be together in the meanwhile. There's rights and responsibilites you all share -- or would in my world. Hold these up when you communicate. Play fair. Breathe. You will be alright.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-04-2012 at 06:18 AM.
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