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Old 07-04-2012, 04:36 AM
LemonCakeIsALie33 LemonCakeIsALie33 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 73
Default I miss the perks of monogamy

I just need to complain. My heart hurts.

When I thought I was monogamous by orientation, people I dated whom I really liked were often open to being in relationships with me.

Now, I think I want a poly or non-prescriptive mono (mono but open to poly) life in my future.

Most of the people I find myself liking lose interest in a relationship when I mention my orientation. They think poly is the same as just "open," and open is (of course!) casual, so that must mean we can only casually date / be FWB. Even if they would otherwise consider being serious with me, and I with them.

It doesn't change who I am. But it's so, so discouraging. I'm afraid, when I meet someone new whom I really like and I don't know their relationship orientation, to come out as poly. It's actually kind of terrifying, whereas it's only ever slightly nervewracking to come out as bisexual..

The problem is that I meet many more people I click with in person than on, say, OkCupid. You never know if the chemistry will be there online. But if you're not online, you don't know the person's relationship orientation.

It sucks. Crush after crush, ended before they can really have a chance. I can't be the only one.
__________________
Me: 22-year-old female, cis and queer, have identified as poly for ~2 years, currently in my first committed poly relationship

A: Poly boyfriend since 9/17/13, currently sexually open and not seeing other romantic partners but open to such in the future
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