Today, while we were talking on the phone, they told me they had made out with someone at the conference who was very chilled and ok with the boundaries we had set, and asked how I felt about that. I froze. I felt uncomfortable, and unhappy. Then, of course, I felt even more unhappy with my reaction because of the fact that my partner had followed the rules, and yet here I was reacting badly to it. This is the first time they have done even that much with anyone else while we've been a couple
Emotional weather. Let it blow through. Own it. You feel what you feel when you feel it. It just burbles up and you cannot control that.
What you can
control is how you choose to be in response to it. You can choose to just REACT to high emotion. Or you can choose to ACT WITH INTENTION once is blows through and you stable out a bit from internal stormy weather.
In my world
, they'd have the right to constructive feedback.
I would have been like this:
1) Feedback: Thank you for being honest and telling me. I appreciate this.
2) Feedback: Thank you for playing by our rules. I appreciate this.
3) My internal temperature check? Well, it's the first time in our polyship for this one. So I'm finding feelings of weird. I feel uncomfortable and unhappy. I need some time to sit with that to see what that's stemming from.
4) Possible Source: This is premature and I do need more time to digest the news but I think it is likely from it BEING the first time. I'm not sure how riding this wave will GO, so I feel insecure about riding it my first time. I need to gain confidence here.
5) Possible solution: So not to cramp your style, but can we keep it here? So I can digest one make out person and not have more to digest at a time? I'm feeling a bit vulnerable because I'm also lonely this weekend with nobody being here. So going easy on me on my virgin voyage here would be kind esp since I have to process a bit. Is that ok with you?
6) Conclusion: I may need help processing later (not sure, will give heads up), but again, you've been playing well and played fair so overall... thanks. I hope to be playing well for you too. I want my partner to be happy and poly, and I would like to find happiness in polyamory myself. So... we're here. Playing ball!
Hope the conference is going well! Love ya!
But that's me years later. Young poly me wasn't nearly that good at emotional articulation. LOL. Live and learn.