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Old 07-04-2012, 12:59 AM
amberleaf amberleaf is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Default How Much Sex is Enough Sex?

Ok, attention-grabbing title... My question is actually related, I promise.

I am part of a polyamorous V with my wife and her girlfriend, who has lived with us for the last 4 months. I've been with my wife monogamously for 15 years and she met her girlfriend just over a year ago.

Our sex life is pretty good, but we do not have it as often as I'd like. My wife is a Domme and I tried becoming a sub... but i'm not all that kinky. Maybe once every two weeks on average. Sometimes every week, sometimes a longer gap. We have a toddler and this definitely is part of the issue too.

Another barrier is the addition of my wife's girlfriend - obviously there's only so much sex my wife can manage. Don't get me wrong though; she's great and I deeply care for her. I don't resent it. But it makes me worry about one thing.

How much is enough?
My wife is now ready to have an extra regular sexual partner, outside of our poly family. She's met one guy twice and wants to sleep with him in a couple of day's time. She needs a submissive male and I understand that. Her girlfriend is also a Domme and so she can't get that element from her either.

There seems to be the general idea from her that she would like to sleep with him once a week. That's what she's told us. Then maybe a couple of casual extra partners once a month.

She said that it might be the case that she has sex with him more often than either of us, simply because she is able to go out on a date with him, with no toddler, and set aside time for that. I said that if she's going to make time to have sex with someone else... we should be making time for the same in our marriage, first? Have a weekly date night, or something?

I hope this doesn't sound selfish... but I'm worried about how to balance my needs with hers when this happens. I'm already struggling, because we don't really have dates. I sometimes feel neglected.. not just sexually, but in other ways as well.

In terms of my wife... she'd be having sex with me, her girlfriend and her extra partner. Since she only has sex with me about once a fortnight, her girlfriend once every 1-2 weeks and wants to see her new person every week.... that makes me worry that I'll get pushed back even further...

I wonder if anyone has any advice?

Do you have a set amount of times a week, in general, you see secondary partners?

If your primary partners are feeling neglected, do you skip a week with your secondary?

Do you have less sex with your primary than your secondary, and if so, does that work ok for you?

Do you think it's acceptable for my wife to actively set time aside to go on dates/have sex with a play partner on a weekly basis, if she is not making time to have dates with us? Like I say, at current, her and I hardly do anything together without our daughter. When my wife goes out, I look after our daughter.

Thank you for your help and I hope I don't sound like a complete sex-obsessed @asshole... :-s

Last edited by amberleaf; 07-04-2012 at 01:03 AM.
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