Hi, and thanks, Gala.
I need to clarify that this isn't just her fault as I was complicit as well. I initially told her I didn't want to know and have to accept the consequences of that.
We have talked about her initial venture into this lifestyle and how she approached it and, after we spoke as well has her reading others' experiences where this happened, she finally realized she went about it the wrong way.
I know for a fact she didn't do it out of malice. She's a very caring, loving person and doesn't have a malicious bone in her body. I just don't think she truly understands how this has affected me.
One of the big problems I had about tonite was that she did this knowing she and I would be together intimately tomorrow. It feels unclean, if you understand what I'm referring to. She is very careful and did ask him to get tested, so I'm not worried about diseases.
We'll be spending the day together tomorrow and I told her we needed to finally discuss this in length and to also put into place some guidelines.
My primary problem right now is just dealing with all of these emotions and how to cope with them. I love her and want to give her the happiness and freedom she desires. But how am I going to be happy knowing I'm sacrificing my needs? Do I try poly or stay poly/mono? So many questions. I haven't been this insecure in such a long, long time.