There's an expression that goes "There's too much mother in that marriage."
"There's too much brother in that poly!"
If he chooses to cut himself away from you over your not allowing him to butt into your personal romantic relationships, that is his decision.
I may have to accept that he will be a much smaller part of my life, but it seems like an awfully unnecessary result. Still, you are right; it is my life. The one who should have control over that is me and not him.
Yep. Your life yours. His life his.
You will deal with the disappointment of it. But you cannot make him play, and you cannot make him grow. You can tell him this disappoints you, and the door is open should he ever want to try again on the SIBLING rship.
But he has no business in your ROMANCES, he's playing outside his box there.
My brother's unwillingness to "tolerate" our "immorality" makes it so he gets to miss out on the better parts of my life like birthdays, essentially.
Correct. This is his choice to miss out.
If you choose to accommodate his weird with a separate celebration, that is up to you.
But I would not do it because it keeps on feeding his idea/expectation that you DO accommodate to his song, you SHOULD accommodate to his song, deep down you DO think it is "wrong", ramp up the "convincing" of you etc. Basically you stay in this spinning your wheels place.
I'd suggest you take the "Thanks for your input. We have to agree to disagree there. Pass the bean dip." approach instead.
So he feels uncomfortable. And? He's uncomfortable. World keeps on spinning.
It's on him to deal. He is not in these romances. You are no less the person you were before the knowledge.
Live it like it's not a THING, like it's just ordinary life. Because it is. And the only people with a vote are you and your partners. Not anyone in the peanut gallery.
And bro sits in the peanut gallery. He is not your partner. He is your sibling. Thanks for sharing! Pass the bean dip.
I know it is hard, but let it be what it is. He will either get over himself or not. And that outcome is not in your control and not up to you. Only time will tell, and in the meanwhile? BREATHE. Care for yourself.