So end of rambling... I think my epiphany is... she says that she considers us all the time, by holding herself back from doing certain things, when she would have jumped on them if she was single. But maybe the way that she considers us (i.e. denying herself rather than us coming up with a plan together) is the problem - it's ineffective. I don't want her to hold back - I want her to decide *with* us.
You are responsible for knowing and stating your wants, needs, and limits.
- You need her to consult with you BEFORE not after.
- You need to be a part of the process.
This is perfectly reasonable -- you are not saying NO to her need to date. You are saying HOW your needs for comfort and security have to happen then you can honor her need to date. Then it all can happen in a way so everyone's
needs are on the table fairly.
Basically, you are trying to work it and play fair so all parties are heard and tended to. She's still giving me the impression that she's plunging on without real consideration of her people. I don't think there's much "considerate" in hooking up with someone the day she meets them or waiting a few days.
When I don't hear about it after? What diff does THAT make to the waves that rock my boat? Nothing. Tell me BEFORE so I can prepare. Is that so hard? Sheesh.
Whether you are mono or poly -- that is not being "too sensitive." That is holding up your end of the stick and trying to be in right relationship with your people.