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Old 07-01-2012, 06:22 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

There seems to ba a theme lately of people changing in my life. There seems to be death and re-birth everywhere. Wondering where it will place me in the world when the cards fall to the ground.

My relationship with Mono has changed some how but I haven't understood how yet I don't think. I love him. Oh boy do I love him, but I'm annoyed with that some how as I've been a silly little girl in that I think. I naively believed in the monogamous dream with him and that's gone. It was like one last ditch effort to think that someone could love me and love me only. I feel stupid about it.

I feel close to PN at the moment in a stead fast and lasting way. We will of been married 12 years this summer and every moment has been worth it. There is no other that I have run across that would make a more suitable husband. I am really blessed to be married to him.

Derby is encompassed by everything that her name means lately. There is a lot of emotional stuff going on too that has made it so she needs private thinking time. Lots of change and growth for her as well maybe?

Brad is becoming a fixture in my life and I am enjoying the buzz of that. We are slowly becoming close and intimate. The pace is just right for me. I lavish it and enjoy every moment. Time apart is hard, but we are not in a rush so its worth it to wait.

Ken is becoming a dear friend. I enjoy his company immensely and look forward to a summer of much fun. I think he is disappointed that I don't feel as he does, but really, I see our relationship as something that will grow in time and one that holds much possibility.

I need friends. Doing a tally of how many I have that I spend time with often, there was none. My biggest goal this year is to nurture some good friendships. Hopefully heal some lost ones too.

There are many details in all this that I could share. Many stories wrapped around each person. Perhaps my biggest goal right now is to connect with myself more and when I dwell on each story going on with each person I am consumed with that and not being grounded in my own life. For now its best to say that everyone who knows me who reads this knows where we are at and if they don't, they can reach out and ask. "I am my own primary." This is my mantra.
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