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Old 07-01-2012, 05:47 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
I didnít realize heíd been carrying a torch for me. I still donít get why men feel that way about me.
I really recommend that you explore this, as getting to know who you are. Not so much because you need to know what they're doing, or what's going on inside them; but because it's helpful to know, deeply, intimately, who you are.

Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
W encouraged me to see A and make sure I would feel comfortable with him sexually before we all got together.
Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
I told W about all of this; we have been very honest with each other about everything. Wís biggest statement to me this whole time is that I not only have to be honest with him; I have to be honest with myself. That is a new challenge for me. I am honest with W but I donít know if I am always honest with myself about what I want, what my desires are. He is encouraging me to figure all of these things out. At the same time, he is scared that I will love A more than him and tell him I want to break up.
Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
I donít want that.
[QUOTE=butterflywaterfall;141688] So recently W told me he was very hurt and depressed to find out that I had feelings for A. [QUOTE]

Perhaps he should not have encouraged you to get involved with this man, if he was not wanting you to have feelings. Perhaps he should have stated that up front.

Have you read 'Opening Up' or 'The Ethical Slut'? I confess, I have not, but they are highly recommended in these forums. I think it's pretty silly that people expect people they love to have sex with others and not have feelings resulting. Some people can. A lot of people cannot.

Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
I donít want him to feel that way.
Same as above. People have feelings. I have lots of feelings I'd rather not have, but I have them just the same. I hope that my loved ones will recognize that feelings are just feelings and they don't mean anything. They don't mean I'm going to run off, they don't mean my behaviour will necessarily change, or be dictated by my feelings. I just need to feel them. And I need to allow my loved ones to feel their feelings, just the same.

Originally Posted by butterflywaterfall View Post
Iíve got to figure this out for myself and I am not sure how.
Well, yes you do. And I would hope that either of them would be able/willing to help you. I know sometimes I think I'm all alone in figuring something out, when I should be letting others help me.

You do have here to type it out!

I'm so sorry you're hurting over this. I have confidence you will sort it.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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