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Old 07-01-2012, 03:47 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I'm a big fan of directness and clarity. When I was a teenager, I dated a beautiful girl for a few months. We got into bed, I took the lead, we made out, I placed her hands on my breasts and started fondling hers. It was awesome, I thought she was into it. The next day, she admitted that we had moved way too fast for her and she hadn't known how to say so. I felt like complete shit and we broke up not too long after.

To me, talking is not a matter of how best to get what I want, it's a matter of respect for myself and the other person. I want to know that we're both having a good time, and as I learned, your perceptions of body language can be so colored by desire, or so unclear on the other person's part, that you get it wrong... and that's just not ok for anyone.
There are sexier and less sexy ways to handle talking, of course. There's "Can I touch you there?" which can be a little too weird and insecure sounding, and then there's murmuring "Is this ok?" or "Let me know if we're going too fast" or "What would you like?" or even just "All good?"
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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