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Old 07-01-2012, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I'm also curious what benefits there are for a mono husband having a wife dating others.
I'm Mono, and the benefits I see in my relationship are that my partner is happy (honestly, VERY happy to feel free to be who he is), and the biggest benefit is that I HAVE a relationship with him - that his love for his OSO doesn't mean that he's not with me.

However, when I start thinking of it in terms of "what benefits does Poly give me?" then I start putting together a mental Plus/Minus column of Poly. To me, there *are* far more minuses. I don't like the shared time. I don't like the idea that maybe the future of our relationship is "limited" somehow if the time with him isn't enough for me (I'm a HUGE "Quality Time" girl - and right now we're working on strategies to make it better for me when he's not here).

I had to reframe the question: What do I get out of my relationship with my partner? If I do the Plus/Minuses there, then "Poly" gets lumped in the minus column for me (sorry, folks - I do see some benefits, but I wouldn't do it again with anyone else). The focus remains on the relationship, and what we have together, and there are some very big plusses there.

Anyway, it took time for me to reframe my thinking. I still get a bit tweaked sometimes when his OSO and I go out with mutual friends and he says he's going to be lonely without us... Hello - I do that half-time, thanks. But again, if I reframe the thinking, it really means that he hasn't *had* that alone time and feels just as crappy as I did when I started. It'll take time.

And I'm just rambling on, now aren't I? Sheesh! Time to do chores and put the lunch dishes away. Best of luck.
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