View Single Post
Old 07-01-2012, 01:55 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,339

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
My thoughts and questions came from thinking about lives enmeshed ...interwoven full time, part time and if that could facilitate the adding of partners or hinder it. And if restless heart syndrome does exists could such factors play apart in a few years down the road. Would it be easier to change the dynamic ?
Well, not sure if this answers your question, but both homes are about 1.5 hours away from each other. I personally have no interest in the foreseeable future of having a group living arrangement. I don't ever really see myself getting close enough to his OSO to want that.

Soooo, given that, he's trying to split his time evenly between both homes. It doesn't work out 50-50, due to limitations on MY part (my weekends are my time with my kids, and even though I'm working on salting him into their lives, I don't want them to feel like he's taking from their time with me), but he's trying, and I think we'll eventually (mostly) get there.

Will it hinder his ability to have additional partners? I'd say yes, for multiple reasons - travel time and a new job, plus time with us doesn't leave much time for anyone else (including himself, which is important). Another big reason is that, as a Mono, "Quality Time" girl, I don't think I can work on a lifelong relationship on anything less than half time. What I have now is tough. I can't do it on less. So, that would factor into it too.

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
The question about the kids was an extension of that. Really young kids might not notice or care ... or get attached in a step parent type situation. The role and time spent with your BF and it's part time nature and their acceptance or annoyance over this situation. Older teenage kids might have extreme reactions from both sides of the spectrum. All the predictable stuff that goes along with the different age brackets of kids.
True. I may have been a bit tetchy that day. Sorry, DH.

The kids are 11 and 8. Not young enough to roll with it all that smoothly. They're getting used to him, but they're still not "there" yet. And they're still quite sensitive to the divorce and move, and subsequent lack of time with me. I don't want them to see him as a threat to THAT, so I'm trying to work him into OUR lives gradually. Probably slower than we (he and I) would really like, but now it's OUR turn to be patient.

Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Also curiosity...I was thinking that it could get expensive for him... 2 dwellings ..., stuff at each, maintenance, etc, etc ....then I thought it might cost the same or even less.....that's all.

Plus it's my thread and it died long ago one else will really cares It's just you and me talking
Hee hee...

Well, due to the sloooooow-moving nature of this, he really doesn't have much stuff here. All his furniture is at his other home, but it was all stuff that he cobbled together from his sister, etc., when HE got divorced, so it's more like "Early American Salvation Army" decor and nothing he's really attached to. Some of it got tossed out when his OSO moved in, so I'm guessing it wasn't in the best shape.

Edited to add: I take part of that back - he recently set up a box full of his old Gundam figures on a shelf in the main stairs of the house. That's better than a piece of furniture to me - it's a piece of him and his past.

Due to the lack of a job until recently, we haven't talked finances - he has to pay half the rent on his other place, and he was in no place to chip in here. We've talked about financial contribution now that he's starting to work again, but we're trying to make it reasonable... I bought this house without expecting anyone else to pay half, so I don't really expect him to blow a huge chunk of his paycheck on a sizeable chunk of my mortgage. Since we eat at home a lot, though, he's chipping in for groceries. And beer.

Last edited by YouAreHere; 07-01-2012 at 03:45 PM.
Reply With Quote