Thread: A little advice
View Single Post
  #4  
Old 07-01-2012, 01:37 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coop View Post
I can say when I talk to her it makes me happy the happiest I been in a very long time. Just the thought of her makes me smile. But this whole concept kind of scares me I guess because I fully don’t understand it. And I am so afraid of being hurt again and this Poly just seems like a bigger chance than mono.
If I'm in the midst of feeling pain, I generally don't stop and compare it to other hurts I've felt. The pain just is. I feel it and deal with it. So, I think it's kind of a strange thing we humans do to compare pain. The fact is that there is a potential for getting hurt in any relationship, no matter how deep or serious or how many people our partner is involved with. When we risk liking or loving someone, we risk the possibility of pain. However, the risk of getting hurt when we let ourselves take a chance at love, let someone in, expose our hearts and our innermost thoughts and feelings, also brings with it possibilities we never could have dreamed of. We may find someone who we feel absolutely delighted and happy to be around, with whom we are comfortable being ourselves, and who thrills us when we just look at them.

You have to weigh the risks. Do you risk getting hurt for the possibility of ecstasy (or, at least, a nice comfy camaraderie), or do you risk losing the possibility for ecstasy to avoid getting hurt? The avoidance of hurt is another illusion we humans believe in. What about the hurt and sadness we feel when we think about the opportunities we passed by because of fear, even though we really wanted them?

If being around a certain person had me feeling the happiest I've been for a long time, I personally would take a chance on that! I've been through hell before and come out alive, so I know I can handle a broken heart. If I were you, I would venture slowly forward and keep communicating. But don't get too caught up in the idea that someone else can make you happy. I think what other people do is let us feel an ease within ourselves and that is what makes us happy. And you can be happy in any relationship configuration, depending on the ways in which it is satisfying for YOU. Good luck and keep us posted on what happens.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 07-01-2012 at 01:42 PM.
Reply With Quote